Bringing you the best in real fake weather since 1832
THE CURRENT FORECAST
Plan the days and nights ahead according to what those days and nights are secretly planning for you. And man, do they have plans.
The weather report is the one part of the news that predicts the future and sees the invisible all around. That is to say, those nice men and women act dull and unassuming because they don't want their covers blown as wizards and witches.
Our distributed sleeper bureaus and embedded analysts aloft provide us a clear picture of what's what. Ignore the scene out the window. That's not the weather.
The real weather is the context in which the rain and sun play out their little drama. It will always hail sometimes, or snow forever for awhile. Only by noticing how we navigate the arduous economic and emotional atmosphere backstage, and its effects down here in the depths of our hearts can we work it all out. By accepting meteorological deprivations we find ecstasy within the despair.
Weather is deep code for every infinite thing we can't talk about directly. Understanding the sky means maybe we can comprehend all of us poor mortals walking around under it.
The Acculorber Forecast is designed to assist you, and to help you dress appropriately while you’re doing it.
© 2015 Brendan Lorber